I'm Back!!

Hey all I am back. I know it has been awhile since I posted my last blog but it has been one crazy summer. But now the younger two are back in school and the oldest is off to college. Life is starting to feel a little more normal (like my life is ever normal ;) ).

So I figured I would go with a blog favorite and start doing an A thru Z post. Watch closely for the first one in the next day: A is for Attitude.

Happy Reading

At a Loss

I find myself at a loss, at a crossroads, questioning my identity. Who am I? How do I identify myself? Like most people I think I have always identified myself by the work I do, my friends, my family. I say I am a special ed para or a victim advocate or a wife and mother. I say I am so and so's friend. People even identify me in those terms. I'm Jessica, Joe and Larissa's mom or Johns wife or the lady that works at the school. But who am I really? When everything has been stripped away and your left lying bare who are you?

This is the position that I find myself in right now. I have been stripped bare of what I thought of as my identity. My jobs are gone, my friends are gone as I made my jobs my life, my children are growing up and have their own lives. So who am I? Where do I go from here?

These last three weeks have been some of the hardest I have faced in years. I have struggled with what has been happening in my life and wondering where am I going for the first time in years. But then a wise woman said to me, “Tracy you have to allow yourself to grieve. You have lost something very important to you.” These words struck a very deep cord in me. I have lost something very important. I have lost not only my jobs and those around me but I have lost me.

So here I sit at one in the morning starting with the basic building blocks that are me. I am a kind, caring and compassionate person. I am strong. I am outspoken. I am beautiful. I fight for what I believe in, for who I believe in. I know that there are others that believe in me but I know that it is most important to believe in myself. To believe in my self worth. I am allowing myself to grieve the things that I have lost so that I may be a stronger person for the things to come. I am walking a new path in my life but not scared of where it will take me.

The most important thing that I have learned out of all this though is to never again allow things like jobs and others to define who I am or will be. No matter what road lies ahead I will remember to remember me. I will define myself.

Lives Flashing Before Your Eyes

They say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die but I have found another time when life flashes before your eyes and you relive every minute, every second.

My baby girl graduated a week ago. Where have the last 18 ½ years gone?? We were sitting on the couch a little over a week ago watching shows, enjoying some time together. Jess turned  to me and said, “you didn't go to work today.” I said, “no remember I took the week off for. . . . “ and that’s when it happened. I saw my baby girls whole life flash before my eyes.

The day that I found out I was pregnant, the first time she kicked, the moment I went into labor walking around the department store, her first cry after she was born. How she loved to sit up so she could see everything instead of being held (independent from the first day lol). Every time I held her when she was sick, her first steps. Her monster temper tantrums. Her first day of school. The times she sat in the backyard on the trampoline singing at the top of her lungs entertaining the neighbors. I watched her go through her awkward tomboy phase wondering where she belonged only to bloom into a gorgeous, ambitious, and intelligent young lady. Her first time driving. Her first crush, her first boyfriend. Her determined and crushing attitude on the basketball court that has now led to her future. All the times we have laughed or cried or argued. Not a moment was spared. It was all right there in front of me in this young lady who was now getting ready to graduate and start a new journey in her life.

I am very proud of my daughter. She has always been the type of young lady that if she sees something she wants she goes after it until she gets it (sometimes with a little to much drama and procrastination lol). She has worked hard to accomplish all that she has and I know that she will continue to pursue her dreams.

But while I am proud I am also a little sad. Where did the time go? Will she continue to be okay without us standing beside her and helping to guide her steps? Will she burn herself out without us there to tell her to take a breath? Will she still need me. . . need us?

I know this probably sounds silly to some but these are the thoughts that went through my head that day. I know that my daughter will still need me just in different ways. It's hard letting go and allowing them to grow up. It's hard to imagine that this part of my job is done. But I look forward to walking down this new path in my life and watching my daughter walk hers.

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die but what they forgot to mention is all the other times it flashes before your eyes in a lifetime. This is definitely one I won't forget.

Happy Reading. . .

Kids say the cutest things

I plan on this being an on going post as kids always have something cute to say :) 
Conversation I had with my 7 yo daughter this morning on the way to school.

Roo, "Mommy I really like color it's pretty."
Me, "Mm-hmmm"
Roo, "Mommy did they have color back in the olden days?"
Me, "Of course they did. What do you think the old days were in black and white?"
With a serious face she says, "yes"

. . . . Happy Reading

We can't live our lives by statistics

It seems everyday I turn on the T.V. or go online or read a newspaper I see a new study that was done by some college or government agency. In every one of these reports I read about the doom and gloom of our society. Divorce statistics, teen pregnancy statistics, unemployment statistics. It seems to be never ending. I could get high cholesterol from eating eggs, oh no wait they changed that one. I could lose weight by drinking diet pop (artificial sweeteners are better than sugar and lower in calories), oh wait they changed that one too. Fat on meat is bad for you, they go back and forth on this one.

You see my point? It doesn't matter what the stats say now because sooner or later they change them. If I went by stats in my life my husband and I would have about a 150% chance of divorce. I was 20 when we were married, already divorced once, had a child from a previous marriage, had divorced parents of my own, didn't graduate high school and so on (and that’s just on my side lol). According to all those studies my marriage was doomed before it ever begun. But here I am almost 15 years later still deeply and passionately in love with my husband.

If I went by stats in my life my daughter wouldn't be graduating in 3 weeks (because I didn't finish school), wouldn’t be going to college on a scholarship (again because I didn't finish school and didn't attend college) and would have at least one child of her own (because girls of teen moms are more likely to be teen moms themselves).

I choose not to live my life by statistics and instead concentrate on working on my life, my marriage and my children. It doesn't hurt that I am stubborn and if you tell me I can't do something I will show you that I can lol. By having open communication in my house we have continually let our kids know that no subject is taboo and discuss it all. Open communication in my marriage makes it possible for my husband and I to continue to have a strong marriage. Letting our expectations of our children be known to said children helps us all obtain our goals.

It's real easy to get caught up in the studies and statistics that everyone puts up and in some cases freak cause now they are telling us we are doing something else wrong in our lives. So whats the solution? Take every study you read with a grain of salt. Remember everything in moderation. Listen to your own common sense and judgment (it's usually right lol). And when it comes to raising a family have open communication. Let your kids know that is okay to talk to you about anything. There may be times you don't like what they have to say but you are their teacher and your opinion is one of the most important in their lives.

As I Begin

I have been struggling as to what to write my next blog post about. Everything I seem to want to write about is pretty serious. I want to help in areas where I think I can help. Draw upon my own experiences with raising children and just growing in life. I know that is why I was bugged by certain people to start this blog (you know who you are and at this moment I still love you lol). What I don't want this blog to be is an “I know all” thing. I don't want anyone to feel they are a bad person or parent because they get an AH HAH moment or just didn't see something that way before. I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I have to say either.

What I want everyone to realize is that we are only human. Our children are learning and growing, we are learning and growing and we are all in this journey of life together. We make mistakes and hopefully we learn from those mistakes. This is just what I have learned on my journey so far. I hope to discuss raising kids (the good, the bad, and the WTH was I thinking), growing experiences as an adult (what I have learned and been through) and hopefully in there just some fun haha moments. It seems as though I am bound and determined to do some of the serious stuff first so please bear with me on this part of my journey :) . . . Happy Reading

Self Care

The weather outside is finally warm after snow for two days in the beginning of the week. I look forward to spring every year. The warmth of the sun, the cool breeze, the light showers, and most of all I look forward to working in my yard. There is nothing more relaxing to me than to be in my yard, down on my knees and working in the dirt. I love to sit out on the front porch in the afternoon with a glass of ice tea or a coke and enjoy the sights and smells of my hard work. It is a rejuvenating time of year where everything starts again. There is a cleansing, a rebirth of plants and the new birth of animals. It is a great time for fresh starts, spring cleaning and self care.

This is just one of the ways that I take care of myself. It is so important that as a mom, a wife and with two jobs that I still find time for self care. Without it how would I relieve stress, how would I make it through a week without killing someone?? *chuckles*. I have learned a lot being a victim advocate but one of the most important is self care.

So what exactly is self care and why is it so important? By medical definition it is the care of ones self medically without the assistance of a medical professional. This of course is not the type of self care I speak of *grins*. My definition of self care is taking time for ones self to destress and find one's inner peace and balance. If we walk through life always taking care of others and not taking care of ourselves then sooner or later we our selves wear out and can take care of no one.

How do you practice self care? Is there only one good way? Of course the answer is no. Self care is specific to each individual and honestly each budget *chuckles*. Individual self care with a decent budget can include a massage, pedicure, manicure, facial, sitting in the book store for hours, going to a movie or solitary lunch. Individual self care on a strict budget can include a long hot soak in a tub with either candles or a book, crafting, reading, meditation, yoga, sending the children to a friends or neighbors house for the night, movie night, gardening and so on. You can also do self care with others. This could be something like going shopping with the girls, going on a date night with your significant other, a spa day, lunch with friends. If your budget is tight have a movie night with friends, play cards, do an in home spa day, or have a pot luck.

Self care is as varied and as different as the person needing it. Find what works for you. But most importantly DO it. Take care of your self. Remember the phrase “If momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy” is very true (same can be said about dads *grin*. Trust me when I say that everyone will thank you for taking some you time for yourself including yourself. When you are happy and relaxed you are better able to deal with the stresses of everyday life.

Finally I shall end this post with a breathing exercise that I find works great for me in stressful situations and right before bed. Try it the first time the with the instructions. Once you have done that you can try it in a sitting position. The point is sensing where your breathe where your breathe touches.

1. Lie in a comfortable position on your back with your knees bent. (This automatically forces your body to belly breathe)
2. Place your hands on your stomach
3. Slowly breathe in through your nose to the count of four and hold for 2
4. Again slowly release your breathe through you nose to the count to 6 to 8
5. repeat 3 to 4 times

This exercise trains you to learn how to belly breathe again which can be some of the most relaxing breathes. It also lets your brain know that all is well and put your body in a relaxed state . . . Happy Breathing